Who hasn’t fantasized about a dream wedding with your future groom? Well, as I child I did, and in these fantasies I have him whisking me away to my “happily ever after.”
Being a product of fairy tale myths and especially that of Cinderella, I had been led to believe that a woman is most complete and happy when she has a man by her side. This started my long journey of finding the “right guy”.
I started having crushes and mostly they were of male celebrities. Collecting their pin-up posters from magazines and daydream about a time I will find a good-looking boyfriend almost seemed like an obsession with boys, plus the contributing fact that I was studying in an all-girl Catholic school and having a male admirer is something you could boast about in high school. I had my share of admirers but no one measured up to my standards of prince charming and they could not fill the empty void in my heart.
Years passed, and at my 20’s I was getting insecure of being the only single girl among my peers. “I have high standards and no guy could measure up,” I’d usually say.
I wanted a rich and good-looking man, with a good heart to be my boyfriend. I prayed to God telling Him I deserve to find this guy because I had been a “good Catholic girl”. But sadly, God didn’t give me any guy to have a relationship with.
“Maybe I wasn’t good-looking, smart or interesting enough,” I thought.
I continuously admired and have crushes who serves as my “inspirations” for the time being but none of them could ever make me happy.
Now I am in my 30’s and instead of focusing on finding the right guy, I have learned to focus my eyes in Jesus instead.
Falling in love with Jesus abolished any insecurity and unworthiness I felt.
I had been praying novenas to find a love life but instead of finding one, God had given peace in my heart to celebrate this time of our lives called singlehood. I realized I had been living this false “Cinderella mindset” that life will fall into place if I marry a rich and good-looking man – it doesn’t work that way.
Marriage is also a vocation and you need discernment before you enter into it. Being single is a time to celebrate (not just partying and drinking till the wee hours of the morning) but celebration as a time of discernment and grace.
During our single years, we are given more time to spend with our family and friends. Time to spend it productively loving and serving God. We could go out of town, do missionary work, volunteer for worthwhile causes and pursue our passions without any distractions. Of course even if we are married, we could still do this. But in a whole new different perspective.
In this time of my life, I could say I am happy and fulfilled without a man by my side. I had learned not to be boy-crazy anymore but to focus on my relationship with God. I no longer feel insecure that I still don’t have a husband and children compared to my peers. I realized I shouldn’t compare my life with those of others because we are uniquely “fearfully and wonderfully made” by God.
For the time being, I am discerning whether to enter religious life, or if I am called to be a wife, a mother, or just plain happy in being a single person. Whether or not, I meet “prince charming” I know my life is falling into place because I have Jesus by my side and life can’t get any better.