I have this wild dream of me getting swept off my feet by my knight in shining armor. Wearing a long, white veil, I will be brought by him to the top of a mountain and there, with our children, we will live happily ever after. Little did I realize that my dream of wearing a white veil would lead me to a deeper love for my True Love.
Just as how excited I am to wear that white veil, I need a to-do list on how to stay pure and chaste as I wait for the one that God has ultimately prepared for me. But somehow, in the middle of accomplishing this to-do list, I felt this deep lack of something.
Somehow, I just concentrated on what I wanted and forgot what God wanted me to do. Somehow, I just relied on my list, but forgot how to be true and really pure in the presence of my God.
Remembering first Holy Communion
So every time I go to Mass or inside the adoration chapel, I always ask Jesus what He wants me to do. And often, I feel Jesus silent, smiling at me, telling me… “Sky, you know what I want.”
I would also turn to His Mother whom I think was just waiting for me to ask, “Mama Mary, what would Jesus want me to do in order for me to really be pure in front of Him?”
At that very moment, I remembered how excited I was for my first communion. I remember being so excited because I would be wearing a white dress and a chapel veil.
Then it dawned on me: “Wear the chapel veil. Wear a veil when you receive me in the Eucharist, wear a veil for Me!” I felt that small voice in my heart. But then again, I chose to ignore it.
Here in the Philippines, where it’s hot everywhere, and there are actually people judging you by your looks, you’d get a bit scared about wearing a veil.
“Oh, God, why do you want me to do this?” I was afraid of being called a “manang” or a very conservative and righteous young woman. Fear. I was afraid of how people would judge or see me.
The voice didn’t stop. That silent voice that urged me to wear a chapel veil at Mass got louder and louder.
On Mama Mary’s birthday last September 8, I asked her what gift she would want me to offer. Very softly I felt in my heart Mama Mary say, “You know what I want, you know what My Son wants.”
I still felt that fear so I didn’t bring a veil. But as I went inside the chapel for Mass, a lady came up to me and handed me a white veil to wear. It was like, “What just happened? God, do you really want me to do this?” I took the veil, wore it and the most magical thing happened.
I felt Mama Mary and God in my heart. Wearing that veil and facing Him in the Eucharist, I just showed him the utmost respect and reverence. The veil enveloped me, allowing me to just focus on Him, to look directly at Him in the Eucharist — prepared to receive Him. It’s the most solemn and sacred moment for God and me, alone.
I didn’t mind the people around me, or what they would think of me, but as I sat there and participated in the Holy Mass, I felt my whole being so united with God. And that’s how the celebration of the Eucharist should be: ourselves united with God as we receive Him. In the small confines of my veil, I let go of all my concerns at work and at home and just concentrate on my Father who looks at me with love. It was magical, amazing.
Wearing that veil allowed me to unveil myself before God; allowed me to bring my whole self in front of Him and totally for Him. Just as how I am looking forward to wear a veil to meet my husband in front of God someday, I will always look forward to wearing a veil every time I meet my God in the Eucharist. Truly, this is not only a preparation for being pure and chaste for my future husband, but a journey of purity, modestly and utmost reverence to God our Father who prepares our path every minute of our lives.