Love in the Time of Manggang Hilaw

love collage While the other side of the earth suffers a harsh winter dubbed "snowmaggedon", this side of ours enjoys a cool gentle clime typical of welcoming the summer. But this is tropical February. And Love is in the air...All things scarlet and crimson abound. From bouquets of roses to heart-shaped chocolate confections to promo-laden, discount-ridden restos, bars, bistros and hotels. Besides talking business, Valentine's day speaks of meaningful encounters, and romantic rendezvous. From a simple tete a tete, it may lead to an innocent date to a one-night stand, to a regular love affair. One thing leads to another. I'm not saying this happens only on a February. But something in this commercialized, commodified February atmosphere makes one so vulnerable and renders the hopelessly romantic into the arms of passionate amour. This however, cannot justify its leadings to dangerous liaisons. And we all know, this can happen any time.

In one of my brief lunch trips out of my workplace to get my regular gastronomic fix of "carinderia" food, my eyes never fail to see a caravan-like display of "manggang hilaw". It's that time of the year, I mused. Yes, "manggang hilaw" in February trumpeting the coming of summer. In this country, unripe mangoes is the typical craving fixture of an infanticipating mother. Then, my mind wanders...

And I remember the numerous phone calls we receive in the office. Where I work, phone calls are not the regular "information please", marketing and sales encounters. Our regulars include texts and calls that spell, H-E-L-P! Prolife Phils. Foundation, Inc. sums up its Mission-Vision-Goals in five words: Promoting A Culture Of Life. As Pope John Paul II has explained in his encyclical, we are bombarded by a culture of death and violence that fills our morning papers, films, advertisements, tv shows, games, toys, books, magazines, the internet and ultimately finds its way into the minds and inner life of our young. As a speaker in some of my workshops with young people, usually in the college level, I get a lot of text messages asking questions, and I get shocked at how much confused this generation is about their own human sexuality.

It is this time of life, the teenage years, that so much information is loaded into the mind of the curious...Life has so much to offer,they say. I can do anything I want. Everybody's doing it. And besides, it won't happen to me. I can handle myself. All of my friends in my "barkada" have boyfriends and girlfriends. They might say I'm queer. They might say I'm the goodie-goodie type. No matter how parents try to protect their children from the wiles and wickedness of the devil, children will always be on their own and will, sooner or later, make their own life. Our "Generation Techies" need all the equipping they need and that means bringing them back into their senses, in other words, reminding our dear young that there exists the right vs. the wrong. The gray areas of life has ever been widening and confusion abounds.

When I hear the voice at the other end of the line, breaking, cracking in the middle of fragmented sentences, intermittent cries, sobs, and deep hoarse breaths, my heart breaks. How many of her kind is, at the present moment, somewhere around the world, suffering confusion? I'm referring of a 16-year-old girl, who fell into the trap of thinking that abortion is an option. And that's just only a typical case profile. But how did she get to this decision? What made her come to this confusing circumstance in so young a life?

Arriving at deciding to end human life on its way to fullness is the result of a mentality that considers the weak as burdensome. Anything that stands in the way, anything that obstructs has to be eliminated. Going further back, we find that the roots of abortion finds itself in the decision to engage in premarital sex. I mentioned "decision". Yes, it is a decision. Most of the time, when we decide to do something, we just have to think, and simply say "yes" or "no". Because temptations are created in such a way as can be so exciting, enticing, alluring and appealing to the senses, we tend to ooops, stop, wait and uuuhhhh....think, well this looks and sounds great...nothing looks bad here, c'mon...and before we know it we get into the trap and find ourselves on the phone, breaking down into sobs, asking for help. Or worse, being just plain numb and cold about the act and emerge haughty and proud of this "boldness".

I'm not saying, solve your premarital sex problems by taking contraceptives either, because, still there are a lot to consider and this practice definitely leads to (let me give it straight) a broken self, a distorted view on life, and a fragmented spirit. As one of our Prolife leaflets put it, " Sometimes SEX sounds a lot like LOVE, but it's not. 'I need you' isn't the same as 'When you need me, I'll be there for you.' 'Let's make love' isn't the same as 'I love you. I'll commit myself to you a lifetime.' SEX is not the same as LOVE no matter how similar they sound."

Perhaps something is bothering you right now as a teener, a young adolescent. Life seems to be so confusing, and you just can't get things right. Your peers are pressuring you so much that you just have to give in. Everybody's doing it, you say, and so I did it. I know it is indeed difficult to make decisions. Especially when you feel you can take care of yourself. Especially when you feel you are "old enough". Especially when you feel you know so much! Especially when parents are so overbearing! Okay, wait....wait...wait...calm down (I can spell 'rage' on your face) and take a deep breath. Inhale and exhale. There, that's much better.

Young man, woman, have time to know yourself. It's great that we can set aside time for reflection and prayer. A regular prayer time can be time for getting into the process of step-by-step understanding of oneself. God knows your heart and its ways (Psalm 139). If you seek the Lord with your whole heart, He will bless you all your days (Psalm 119: 10). Remember, God's promises are sweet, sweeter than honey to taste (Psalm 119: 103). Prayers do wonders! Also, a regular time for reflection helps you get in touch with what your priorities are. If you are able to practice reflection at any given moment, you will be able to make a discernment on certain issues that initially may be confusing. Things may be lighter and those cobwebs lodging among other things occupying your mind may be swept away clear. If you set aside time for questioning your self and the things that happened in a day, you are able to take hold of your impulses and hurried decisions. So much of the problems experienced in rushing moments may be prevented if you learn to WAIT in hope and in awe of the God who loves you. "Those that wait on the Lord shall renew their strength." (Isaiah 40:31) and live pure and be in love with Life! Finally, you can always find help. Things that need to be further understood is made more enriched by seeking help from people whom you know will bring you to a renewed and right direction.

I now think about all the young people somewhere out there. The youth of the city, the countryside, the youth of the plains, mountains and hills. The youth embraced with fear for their lives, living in war-torn countries. The youth wondering if they can still have their next meal. The youth,so much younger, as young as 7 years old, fighting a senseless war. The youth languishing in pain as they fight for their lives in hospitals. The youth battered and bruised, wounded by years of parent abuse. The youth trafficked across countries away from families, friends, toys and childhood games. The spunky youth wandering about in streets at night nowhere to lay his head. The youth prostituted, robbed of a childhood lost in oblivion. The brazen youth of gangs, crime cliques, and syndicates expoited by elders they look up to as models. The youth, at this very moment, deciding to get into the trap of premarital sex. The helpless youth growing in his own mother's womb, his first home, where love is first learned.

Then I remember that same sob on the phone..that young mother's cry...it could have been a beautiful time of courtship, of knowing each other, then marriage, then the time for the baby's coming when "manggang hilaw" could have been gobbled up in between hugs of a loving husband..but sadly, it was not so...it was love in the time of confusion. As I swallow my last piece of this early summer sour fruit enhanced by "bagoong"...mmmmm... I wonder to myself...but was it really Love? (Weena S. Meily)

For help when confused, in doubt, or troubled, remember, it only takes a while to text or call, but pain and anguish takes a lifetime: 09192337783; 7337027; 7349425